For REAL

Yellow & happy Terrific Tuesday...!

So I've managed to resist the urge to buy a carton of stogies for 2 days! I almost caved AGAIN today but instead decided to give electronic cigs a fair shot. Low key, I think e-cigs are for pansies. But my opinion was biased cos of my obsession with actual cigarettes. Wish me luck...or better yet pray I conquer this goal! I could use some divine help xD

The countdown starts: #15

This is happening.

Last night I caved and bought another pack of stogies. But this is really going to be the last. If I cant stop smoking for myself I'm going to quit for my little cousins who are coming to visit in a couple weeks. Like it or not I'm older and need to set the example. Imagine I come home all late and smell like cigarettes, what will they think? Those precious little minds!!! I cant bear to let them down. 

So my foolproof plan is to cherish every last cigarette. This morning before work I went to the BK Lounge by my house and purchased a delicious vanilla ice coffee...which usually goes oh so well with a cigarette. 

Pros & Cons of Breathing

I mean smoking haha. Oh boy! I love this article!!! It gives a social rather than medical perspective on the pros and cons of smoking.

Some of my favies:

Pro: If ever in your life you think you might visit Berlin, you should probably start smoking now

Con: Being a smoker and also caring about the environment  which means bending down to pick up your cigarette butts off the ground and carrying them around in a tissue in your purse until you find an appropriate trash receptacle.

Pro: Smokers all seem to feel persecuted: This binds them together in an elite members-only club Non-smokers aren't allowed behind the velvet "smoking area" ropes.

Con: That one friend who's in denial about the fact that they smoke so they never buy their own pack, yet always ask for a cigarette whenever you take our yours, and of course you always give it to th em but secretly it annoys you.

Mind / Matter

Easier said than done! Man I really want to stop smoking cigarettes. I'm ridiculously fond of them so quitting seems impossible -_____- Well not impossible but extremely
 difficult. I want to be up for that challenge. There are so many more cons than pros about this nasty little habit. Perhaps I should look at this in a different way...like instead of seeing it as "quitting" I should make it an experiment! I've heard that smoking causes pimples so maybe this can be just a little project to improve my skin and keep me from smoking cancer sticks! 

I dont know if I can do it...do I have enough strength for this journey?! I feel the doubt creeping in. Doubt is liar. I'm going mad just debating with myself about whether or not I should give in and buy another pack. Why am I so obsessed with these little, deleciously minty, low-key expensive, short-lived, poison, cancer sticks!?!?!?!? 

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Faded Musings

After a long day of snail adventures and real talks with Dusty and Tarin...I realized that I'm heading towards the dark side...and using weed and cigarettes to make myself "feel good"...and that's not right. I say I want to stop but I keep forkin over 5 bucks and almost a carton every two days...deng! I think that I'm about making things happen about other stuff...yet I'm not actually making an effort to stop smoking stogies...grrr!!! Why do I ignore that?! Idk. Maybe I'm afraid that life won't be as enjoyable without my coffee & cigarette or smoking & cool conversation s or being stoney baloney for a movie, wake & bake, hotbox sessions, etc etc. Am I making sense? For some reason I'm fooled into this mindset that life isn't as good sober as it is with smoking or whatever. What's worse is I kind of knew I was being fooled the whole time but got addicted to it anyway. I honestly didn't think I was addicted to weed until today when Tarin gave it to me straight. She helped me get a better perspective. She's quitting smoking. It all seems like destiny...everything tonight up to the last song on the radio right before I got home just felt so real. So des. Like I finally feel like I'm supposed to be here rather than wishing in the back of my mind that I were living in the past or something. Its time to turn over a new leaf. God help me to be serious about not smoking anymore.
Buenas noches cacaroaches *,*